Guiding Principle 1

Audio Conversation for Guiding Principle 1 – Using Emotions As Information:



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In addition, here are some audios where Linda and Mark discuss in more detail some of the messages on the Emotional Message Chart:

Anger


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Frustration


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Guiding Principle 1 Notes:
Power Of The Herd Guiding Principles

 

 

 

 

10 Comments

  1. Hetty Koenraads on June 26, 2015 at 11:56 am

    Hello Mark and Linda,
    I just started – love this way of learing. Read your book in Dutch. English is not my native language – but I find the audio lectures better to understand! I love listening to you both…
    . In this Guiding Principle 1 – Using Emotions as information – Mark refers in the first minutes to a handout – about this subject.
    The link should be above the audio and open in a new window. I can’t find it. Can you let me know where it is…
    Best Regards,
    Hetty



    • Hetty Koenraads on June 26, 2015 at 12:01 pm

      I just found it – had to get back to the startingpage – where you see the whole navigation and it is above chapter one….



  2. JaniceCamp on March 11, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Hi, everyone! I was looking over the Chapter One Lesson again and thinking about the messages behind emotions. I had a recent experience with the fear that accompanies new and novel situations/ vulnerability and forgot that fear can just be a warning that I am entering uncharted territory. I attended a workshop last month with Karla McLaren and it was a great way to practice with Emotional Intelligence. She reminded me also of this second part of the information fear brings. I wanted to let anyone who is interested know that Karla is giving an online course called Emotional Flow which will cover the emotions and the messages behind them (like in Lesson One). I also got a really clear idea of how to set boundaries using healthy anger~ Wow, I needed help with that! I am totally interested into delving further into this ~it’s helped me tremendously in my current life situation. The course is listed on her website: KarlaMcLaren.com and is listed under “Upcoming Events” on the right-hand side margin. It’s only $99 and is for 8 weeks, including some Skype sessions for those interested in “face to face” contact with her:-).



  3. Ian Rowcliffe on December 27, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Have to go along with Mark’s take on computer frustration – ‘thinking differently’ does make a difference.

    Re: being our own task-masters – yes: that is a big one. One of the points raised against Linda’s procedure to True Self is that can one permit this? The truth may hurt and hurt a lot. I get the impression that some people can’t conceive of going through that.

    Re: setting boundaries in terms of emotion – isn’t Linda’s strategy really about blocking them? Something needs explaining here.

    Re: who can I ask: that is what we are here for – we are looking for answers!

    Re: Rather than I need to set a boundary and I need to listen and see – yes, that makes sense: see where it leads – that is horse sense – no issues but finding the sense in the frustration.

    Re: Breakthrough and I can’t do it – yes… ???

    Yes, useful and enlightening but a lot left to discuss:-)

    Going back to the first recording, I have experienced a lot of what Mark’s partner seems to be going through – the MachtKampf phenomenon or hen pecking order on a more subtle level. Here, you are supposed to assert yourself much as Linda suggests in terms of setting boundaries, but after a while you notice that you are maintaining a system that you don’t believe in. My solution has been often to vote with my feet, much as horses to – move on to new pastures. However, more and more, in our global world, this is no longer an option… So yes, working at benevolent leadership solutions that provide gains for all parties makes good ‘horse sense’.

    Thanks for the entertaining, useful and fun bonus

    Ian



    • LindaKohanov on December 29, 2011 at 5:05 pm

      Hi Ian,

      As usual some great comments and questions. Setting boundaries effectively is a skill that we are not taught in our culture. It is something I spend a lot of time teaching people when they work with my horses, and in coaching people how to translate this skill to human situations when they return home.

      A boundary is not a “block” in terms of a wall. It can be flexible according to timing, approach and the attitude of those we feel compelled to set boundaries with. When someone is coming at us too quickly and aggressively, often to bend us to their will, manipulate us, or gain advantage over us in some way without considering our needs (people often do this unconsciously), we need to recognize those (primarily nonverbal) cues and get them to back off. The key, is to give them immediate positive feedback when they do back off, in terms of realxed, engaged body language/tone of voice, soft eye contact, and the effort to connect, whereupon we can begin to negotiate with them about what they really want from us and how we can help them acheive their goals in ways that nourish individual and group needs simulatneously.

      I will be devoting an entire lesson to the art of boundary setting and its importance in creating an atmosophere of mutual respect that leads to greater team work and creativity. Effective boundary setting, and recognizing that you need to set one in the first place, has a significant nonverbal dimension to it. The first step, however, is realizing that a feeling of anger rising in your body is nature’s alarm that you need to pay attention to who is crowding, pushing or manipulating you. However, the key is to use this feeling thoughtfully, as information, not to lash out in a reactive way. Sometimes, when I feel anger rising, I need to politely excuse myself from the situation so that I can strategize about how to set a boundary in a way that creates mutual respect and an atmosphere of problem solving. If I’m at work, and I simply recognize who the anger signal is referring to, I will experience a slight release in the feeling because my body knows I’ve at least become conscious of who the alarm refers to. In this way, when I go home, I am less likely to engage in defected rage on an innocent by-stander.

      Deflected rage is the misuse of anger. To avoid lashing out unconsciously at the wrong person, we must feel anger in its earliest, most subtle phase, and begin efforts to problem solve on how to address the issue arising with the person the anger refers to. This brings thought into the center of a potentially volatile emotion like anger. When you use anger properly, you do NOT lash out in anger, you use the energy of that emotion to stand your ground and negotiate how the needs of both parties can be met more effectively.



      • Ian Rowcliffe on January 26, 2012 at 1:55 pm

        Yes, but easier said than done. I have been thinking a lot about the emotional message chart and sense a more intuitive representation of it would be really useful. The point is that you want something that conveys the message faster than sifting through words and ideas. Perhaps an iconic representation?

        Otherwise, I note that Karla Mclaren has produce a set of Emotion cards:

        http://karlamclaren.com/